Make The Best Of The New Year

Whilst the focus, this time of the year, tends to be on things such as sales, being merry, etc (NB: there is nothing wrong with this in moderation), why not take some time to think about the outgoing year and what you would like to achieve in the new year?

So in the past 12 months…

- What worked well?
- What didn’t work out and what you could be improved on?
- What areas of your life needs more/less attention?
- What needs to happen to help you live the life you want?

Doing this will give you a good grounding for the coming year and help you become more focused in your approach.

As the years roll by, I have discovered that my time has become more precious to me than ever. And so anything than a more focused approach to living life will rob me of the very life I crave…one that will bring fulfilment coupled with a sense of purpose.

So rather than leap into the new year willy-nilly, think about what you want to accomplish and work backwards. Adopt my traffic light approach: what do I need to start, stop or continue to do to help me live the life I deserve and crave?

Why? Because you are worth it!!!

Are Your Reservoirs Full?

Do you find yourself constantly sacrificing yourself for others, to your own detriment?
Are you drained from continuously ‘doing’ without the necessary investment to keep you going?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, my question to you is how long do you think you will last running on empty?

Honestly, life is not about constantly being ‘on the go’. It is about striking a healthy balance between what you ‘pour out’ and what you ‘pour back in’. As you pour out, you need to replace what you have become devoid of. Doing this helps you remain ‘fit for service’. Just the same way you will not drive your car on an empty gas tank, is the same way you ought to treat yourself.

What many of us fail to realise is that our abilities, effectiveness, performance, and results are affected by the amount of self-investment we participate in (or the lack of it). Remember saying, garbage in, garbage out? Well, it’s true as you can only give out of what you have in your reservoirs.

So for you to function well, you need to make sure you fill up on what you need, on every level. In addition to this, your ‘engine’ needs to be serviced regularly. For this to happen, you will need to turn off your engine and put on the brakes. Why? Because you can’t service a moving car! Get my drift?

Therefore, if you are serious about being effective and successful in all that you do, take time to consider the state of your physical, spiritual, and emotional reservoirs. Are they full, adequate or running low? Depending on your response, I suggest you aim to keep them on full at all times to get the best out of YOU! After all, we all know what happens to a car with an empty gas tank….it breaks down!

It’s High Time For My Time

Nowadays, we seem to be doing so much – all at the same time. Those around us are constantly demanding more of our time, efforts, and even our money. In return, we continue to yield even more. Being the resourceful creatures we are, we find ourselves wearing many hats such as wife/girlfriend, mummy, career/business woman, older/eldest sister, student, friend, counsellor, and much more – all at the same time. We just seem to keep pouring out.

But if you can just pause for a moment, I would like to remind you of the fact that you are human and you deserve some attention, too. Just the same way you nurture, support, develop others, you need the same poured back into you. Let me ask you this, whilst you’re out there saving the world, who meets your needs? How much longer can you keep poring out into others all the while never being refilled or recharging your batteries? Think of a car, if you stop putting fuel in, it will eventually stop. If you also omit to put in all the other ‘essentials’ for running a car such as engine oil, you’ll soon enough have a ‘broke’ down car.

It’s sad to think that we live in a day and age where the mere thought of taking time out sends most of us on a guilt trip. But why? Is it that we do not deserve it? Nah! Most of us deserve it (and more) but don’t quite put the systems in place to make it happen.

So just in case you think you’re superwoman and the world cannot do without you, ponder on the answer to these questions:

• How much longer can you keep going without taking time out? What effect would this have on you physically, emotionally, and spiritually?

 • Fast forward your life to 5, 10 or even 15 years from now, what shape would you be in (if anything at all)?

 • If you were no longer around, do you really think everything would stop?

 • Do you often find yourself saying, “If I don’t do it, who will?” If so, ask yourself, “what’s the worst that could happen if I don’t do it?”

 • What difference do you think it would make to your effectiveness and productivity if you were to take (more) time out for yourself?

If the answers to these questions made you stop and think, why not take it one step further and do something about it. It does not have to be anything major but its all about carving out some daily, weekly, monthly, yearly ‘me’ time for something as simple as taking a stroll in the park, a bicycle ride, having time to read, having a facial, going on holiday/retreat or even a health spa. Now just before you cry out “I cannot afford it”, if you do enough research, you’ll discover that some of these things don’t cost the earth whilst some are free. There is something out there to suit everyone’s budget. So all you need to do is make the time for it.

Is that too much to ask for yourself? I’m sure you deserve much more. And puhleeze, take the words, “I’m too busy” out of your vocabulary. The world will not collapse if you decide to take a moment or two for yourself. Please change this preconception. It really is not healthy. No matter how busy you are, you owe it to yourself to take time out to recharge your batteries! Have you considered what would happen when you are no longer with us on earth? The world continues, luv!

On a more serious note, I want you to be around long enough to enjoy the fruits of your labours. What’s the point of working yourself to an early grave? So please pace yourself. I know we live in a driven society but let wisdom prevail. Make your own rules as to how you want to live your life and start living it. As for me, I have kissed goodbye the “I’m so busy saving the world, I have not got time for me” kind of life and I am loving it. I only do what I need to do and leave the rest. Why not try it yourself?

It’s All In The Mind

Have you ever thought about the powerful correlation that exists between the state of ones mind and the level of success one accomplishes. Do you realise that harbouring unhealthy emotional traits can thwart all your good intentions to succeed? This is particularly important for those aiming for the top.

You’ve heard the parable of the foolish man who built his house on the sands. When the storms of life come along, it all came toppling down. Well that’s what could potentially happen if you’re emotional foundations are not strong enough to hold up the success structures your planning to build. You see your foundation is the base you build various aspects of your life. The stronger it is, the more chances you have to succeed in life. If your foundation is weak, sooner or later the empire you’re building will topple over.

To attract and retain success requires you to be in the best emotional shape possible. So can I ask you, how healthy are your emotions? Are your unresolved issues or unmet needs the driving force in your life? Are they dictating the decisions you make or how you run your life? Another good indicator is when your emotions are all over the place (high one day, low another) or the real you takes a back seat – dancing to the tune of others.

Please bear in mind that your emotions are a powerful force that can propel you in the right direction or clog you up and hinder your ability to attract and retain success. Think about it, how many emotionally unstable people have lasting success? Very few – if any at all!

So why not start strengthening your foundation by getting rid of unresolved issues with the aim of developing a healthy state of mind. Only then will you be really free to be yourself. Moreover, you’ll be in a position to make the right decisions to take you in the direction you want to go.

Remember, you can only go as far as your foundations will permit you!

Three Myths That Can Sabotage Your Potential For Success

In recent years, I have been looking into the emotional challenges women face and how this affects our ability to succeed. I discovered the fact that a number of us embraced certain myths, which in the long term could have a negative impact on our emotional well-being. And when care is not taken to redress this, our potential to succeed could be dramatically affected. Below are the top three myths I have come across:

“I’m doing well in my career/business. So, this must be an indication that I’m fine”. Not in all instances. Moreover, if you want lasting success versus being a one-hit-wonder or avoid falling from glory (as some do) demands you invest in all areas of your life including your emotional life.

“I seem to be in a pretty good condition. Therefore the rest of me must be too.” On the contrary! Just because certain parts of ‘you’ are in good shape does not mean that your entire being is. Having a healthy body or spirit does not always equate to a healthy mind (though it does help!).

“I have always been this way” or “This is the way I am”. This may be true. However, bear in mind that your attitudes and beliefs drive your behaviours. So maybe it is time you deal with some of the mind-sets you have held on to.

I firmly believe that there is a strong link between our emotional well-being and our levels of success. Therefore, it makes sense to invest in this integral part of our being as failure to do so can render even our best efforts and intentions to nought. It’s akin to pouring water into a cracked cup. Sooner or later, its contents leaks out!

So as the year gradually comes to an end, take some time to consider some of the mind-sets you may embrace and/or the general state of your emotional life. If either are unhealthy, I implore you to do something about it. After all, your success depends on it!

Is It Time For A Beak?

Many of us (me included) rush around through life trying to accomplish our great dreams and goals. Day in, day out, we forge ahead at full speed despite the huge challenges and pressures we face (not forgetting the disappointments too!). Yet many of us don’t know when to apply the breaks. Before you know it, your effectiveness, productivity, capabilities, motivation, etc plummets.

Take a moment to consider these questions. Are you feeling disillusioned, frustrated or unmotivated? Are you suffering from burnout physically, spiritually or emotionally? These are telltale signs that you are heading for a fall. So can I suggest something? Why not give yourself a well-deserved break? Why not carve out a few days, weeks or even months – depending on your personal needs, to nurture yourself and get yourself back up to speed?

Take it from a Pro. You are only human – not superhuman. After a period of hard graft, it is only natural to feel exhausted. After constant disappointments, its natural to feel disillusioned or frustrated. However, you need to ensure that you put systems in place to support you finishing your life journey and finish it well (i.e. healthy and sane!). Part of your plan ought to be taking a break. Funny isn’t it how we know to take our cars in for a service after driving for a certain period of time or number of miles, yet we struggle to do the same for ourselves. What an irony.

So why not take some time out to rekindle the fires that were once alight in you? This will allow you to rest, reflect, be restored, replenished, and refocused. You owe it to yourself! More importantly, you owe it to the people you have been created to serve (i.e. the rest of us). Trust me Sis, we need you whole and well.

How to… Put the zing back in your life

Long hot days, flowers in bloom, barbeques and the prospect of taking some time out to read and reflect. Summer is a great season for throwing off the heaviness of colder months and moving forward into exciting new things.

Revisit your Goals
Have a look back at those goals you set yourself at the beginning of the year. Chances are that by now some of those good intentions may just have fallen by the wayside. Don’t worry, all is far from lost! Summer is an ideal time to decide which of these goals are really important for you and why. If this is a difficult question to answer, you could always enlist a Coach to help you. This service is more affordable than you may think and could be just the ticket for landing you back on track.

Clear out the Clutter
Now is the time to deal with the heart stuff that is simply dragging you down. All those “I should haves”, “I could haves”, “if only I hadn’t”, “if only they hadn’t”… Every day is a new day full of possibility, but we become blind to this if we insist on looking backwards or trying to change what we can never change. Let’s let go of what lies behind and press on to the good things that lie ahead!

Get the Balance Back
Excessive stress is toxic and wreaks havoc on your health. If you are someone who is addicted to living on the edge, now is the time to build yourself some margin and enjoy the freedom that will open up.

Take the time to invest in you. You are unique and have talents and abilities that no one else has. This summer, take a close look at all of you – your health, your relationships, your career, your finances – and decide what steps you need to take to get to where you want to be.

Deal With Your F.E.A.R!

 

Have you ever started a project, dream or goal and but quit because of your fears? Maybe you had an idea but never got it off the ground because you thought it might not workout? Are you the type whose mind conjures 101 images of what could go wrong? Sounds like you may have been bitten by the FEAR bug?

People, bound by fear, are often fearful of the task (size, effort, costs, challenges, etc) and/or its potential outcome. Because of this, some never bother starting and those who do, end up quitting.

Can I just be real here? Please understand that fear will always come – even to the best of us. However, pioneers know how to deal with it. They make internal mind shifts and develop attitudes and beliefs that eventually drown out the voices that says, “you can’t do it” or “you will fail”. They confront their fears rather than allow them to overrule them.

I remember when I first started writing, thoughts of “you can’t write!” or “it’s hard to get a book published” bombarded my mind but I persevered. However, after writing two books and countless published articles, I now recognise it was simply fear trying to hold me back.

So turning the focus on you, have you allowed fear to creep in and hinder you from doing what you were created to do? Take a moment to reflect on the people whose lives you could have changed with your project or idea (including yours). Consider the fulfilment and sheer joy you would have felt upon conquering your fear and achieving your desires.

Remember one way of defining F.E.A.R. is False Evidence Appearing Real. What has fear made to appear real to you? By the way, what is the worst that can happen anyway? If things do not go according to plan, you have merely discovered one way on how not to do things. So simply try another.

In conclusion, recognise that some of your greatest battles take place in your mind and you need to win the battle there first, before taking any action. Overcome your fears and you become limitless in your potential. So why not take that leap of faith and go for it anyway? After all, you have nothing to loose and plenty to gain.

Are You A Survivor?

 

I recently came across the lyrics of the song, “I am a survivor” by Destiny’s Child and it made me think. Whilst the song appears to be talking of a failed relationship, it can be applied to any challenging situation you may face (disappointment, loss, depression, ill-health, etc). For me, it was a wake up call to say, actually, I AM A SURVIVOR – through Gods grace and no strength of mine

At times, we get too caught up in what we are going through to realise that we are still standing despite what we are facing or have faced. I am guilty of this and it is so easy to do in the midst of your storm. But when you care to look back, you actually wonder how you got out of the situation alive or remained SANE! Things ALWAYS look bad when you are going through!

So would you say you are a survivor? Now please note, just because you did not get the outcome you wanted or was emotionally battered along the way does not mean you are not.. But they are not failures. Just in case you are wondering, by surviving, I refer to the process of coming through a situation (against the odds) whilst learning lessons that change you for the better. In fact, we can also call this conquering.

Therefore, I encourage you to take a look down memory lane and reflect on your journey. Use this to fuel your decision, choices, attitudes and behaviours for your future. Ponder if there are any lessons life it trying to teach you. Whilst you might not feel victorious, think of all the other precious women out there who may not have made it this far. So I ask you again, are you a survivor/conqueror?

Ps: If you still don’t feel like you a are survivor/conqueror, could it be you need support to get you through this period? Why not get the help you need? Find a trusted friend who can talk, pray, and encourage you. It helps to know that in every battle, there are always casualties but with the right support, they make it just fine!

Quote – “Weeping may last for the night but joy comes in the morning”. It really is true.

Five Rules For The Woman Who Can’t Say ‘No’

Do you find it difficult to say ‘no’? Feel guilty when you do? Maybe you find yourself bending over backwards to please others despite the negative impact it has on your life. If so, I believe you will find my five commandments liberating. So here goes:

1. Thou shalt not volunteer for every task/project on sundry – This is regardless of the shortage of volunteers or the compelling nature of the cries for help. It matters not that you can do the task with your eyes closed or you are happy to give up even more of your sleep (yet again!). Feel free to walk away from it – or at least till you can think carefully through any decision you might make. PS: Just in case you feel like the world will stop spinning because you said ‘no’ – IT WON’T! (trust me). Other people have been lined up to do the task. The only problem is that you keep refusing to let go. And so others don’t get a chance.

2. Thou shalt learn to say ‘no’ more often AND resist the guilt-trips you feel when you do. To combat these guilt trips, say out loud to yourself “I choose to say ‘no’ on this occasion and this is the decision I have made. So get over it, Woman!” Under no circumstances are you to wind yourself up with so much guilt that you change your decision (regardless of the sob stories, manipulation, etc) – only do so if your heart (not head) tells you to do so!

3. Love thy neighbour as thyself! When we think of this, some of us have it ingrained in us to constantly give of our selves. This in itself is not bad but I believe there is a cut-off here. Moreover, this commandment also gives us the liberty to love ourselves equally as we love others. To me, that allows me to not only do nice things for others but myself too! Plus, I don’t have to feel bad about it neither.

4. From hence forth, thy shalt put boundaries in place and no longer tolerate people who ill-treat you, does not value your existence or celebrate the woman you are. If proper care is not taken, these people may end up draining you physically, spiritually, emotionally and financially. And you are too precious for that. Put healthy boundaries in place to ensure that these people do not ‘hack’ away the essence of your being. Have you noticed that when you don’t do this, you end up harbouring anger, bitterness and resentment against the person because of what they are doing to you (or should I say the things you allow them to do?). When necessary, confront the person(s), give them the room to change and let them know what the consequences would be if there is no change. Never be afraid of letting go of them to create room for healthier relationships.

5. Thou shalt not make your decisions based on what you think others will consider to be right, what others would be pleased with, etc. I implore you to start making your decisions from your heart not according to the gospel of all on sundry. You might do well by learning to block out those voices and not let them drive you to do things not right for you. Develop enough emotional strength to make decisions that are right for you and stick with them.

A Nigerian proverb says, “half a word is sufficient for the wise”. Oh and by the way, the grave is full of indispensable people.